Monday, 26 January 2009

Big White Dress.

So here's the thing.

I'm reading someone else's blog, someone I really like. Someone who writes well and makes me laugh. She just got engaged and is very obviously deliriously happy which I love.

She's also very stylish and consequently is blogging about some aspects of the wedding e.g. dress choice.

And this made me wonder about the whole wedding thing and why I don't get it.

I should probably say up front that when I got married I wore trousers. It was a very important day for me because I got married but the wedding itself? Couldn't give a monkey's.

What I want to know is: am I the only female who has never, ever, not once, not even for one nanosecond, daydreamed about a fairy tale wedding? Or any wedding for that matter?

It has never been something I thought or cared about, not even as a young child. And yet I fantasised constantly as a child and I still do, about myriad things, but mostly sex if I'm honest.

I wonder whether I didn't fantasise about being taken up the aisle because I was too busy fantasising about being taken in a much more interesting fashion by a gorgeous man in a suit!

This is something else I wonder about. I certaintly masturbated from about the age of 5 because I discovered it felt good. It was not associated with sex at that point and I was certainly not sexualised early because of abuse or anything similar. But the fantasies about sex came not that long after and have continued happily ever since! I was brought up as the child of committed Catholics who did their best to stop me enjoying anything that looked remotely like masturbation but I distinctly remember understanding completely that this was all uptight bullshit and I was going to do it as much I wanted.

So when I read about real women who discover masturbation in their late teens or even later, I am truly gobsmacked. Can you really not have been aware of sex until then? Am I in the minority in this too? Did thoughts of fire and brimstone, possible blindness etc, etc sound remotely plausible to you, even as I child?

I just don't get it.

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